


Tree Topper

by Hexadecimalrebooted



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Jokes, Explicit Sexual Language, F/M, I one hundred percent wrote this to make a joke, In my defenseI was left unsupervised, Kakashi is a pervert, M/M, Multi, Terrible Jokes, The M/F is from Jiraiya's book, Threesome - M/M/M, my attempt at the horror of Jiraiya's writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 10:22:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27849318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexadecimalrebooted/pseuds/Hexadecimalrebooted
Summary: Kakashi is trying to read his book. Tenzo and Iruka distract him but not on purpose.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 11
Kudos: 92
Collections: The Umino Hours Winter Bingo 2020





	Tree Topper

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Umino Hours Winter Bingo Challenge - prompt Christmas Tree Topper.
> 
> Please mind the tags. Seriously. Tags, people.

_“Oh Shuji, we mustn’t,” Eri whispered. She put her hand on Shuji’s arm, stilling his hands as they worked at the tie of her obi._

_“I don’t think you mean that,” Shuji said._

_He slipped his hand into her yukata. His finger against brushed the edge of her underwear before moving past the lacy barrier. Eri moaned as Shuji slipped his fingers between her folds. She was wet and ready for him. Her skin was flushed pink, her large breasts swayed as she took shuddering breaths._

Iruka let out a snort of laughter. Kakashi looked up from his book. Tenzo was stealing loud kisses as Iruka tried to dry the dishes.

“Enough, go sit.”

Iruka shooed Tenzo away after accepting one last sweet peck on the lips. They were so adorable. Kakashi reread the last page, trying to get back into the right mindset. He let the words take him away, where nothing existed except the world in the book. The hum of Iruka and Tenzo’s dorky flirting kept creeping into his focus.

_Shuji placed kisses down the side of Eri’s neck making her whimper. He cupped a breast. He looked down to admire them. They were straining at the confines of her shirt, desperate to be free for his hands and mouth. Eri arched her body into his hand pressing her ample bosom closer to him._

"How about an angel?" Iruka asked.

"What about an angel?" Kakashi murmured from behind his book. Shuji finally had Eri out of her clothes. Things were definitely getting good.

"For the tree topper," Iruka huffed.

"After what you did to Tenzo last time you topped him I'm pretty sure we can't call you an angel," Kakashi replied. The way Shuji had Eri spread out was actually quite similar to what Iruka had done to Tenzo not even two nights ago.

Tenzo started to choke on his tea as Iruka sputtered, clutching the bowl he was washing in his hands.

"FOR THE CHRISTMAS TREE!" Iruka shrieked.

The bowl clattered to the floor. Iruka had dropped it. Kakashi leapt from his chair. He heard the crack of the dishtowel as Iruka snapped it at his head. The man was absolutely lethal with a towel. Kakashi had sported welts for a week the last time Iruka had come at him with a towel. And they hadn’t even discussed safe words first.

“GIVE ME THAT STUPID BOOK!” Iruka bellowed.

Kakashi dived down the hallway.

“NO!” Kakashi cried, clutching his book to his chest. “YOU SAID IT WAS AN EARLY PRESENT! YOU CAN’T TAKE IT BACK NOW!”

Kakashi dove into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed. He curled around the book in the fetal position, trying to protect his most precious possession. Iruka made a growling noise and pounced on him. His fingers ruthlessly jabbed at Kakashi’s sides and dug in under his armpits. Kakashi squirmed trying his best to keep his grip on his book.

“Give. Me. The. Book!”

“I re-re-refuuuuuse!” Kakashi wheezed.

Iruka manoeuvred his fingers in Kakashi’s armpits and that was all it took. He broke, shrieking and flailing to escape Iruka’s hands. Iruka managed to wrench the book from Kakashi’s clutches and tossed it aside.

“You only get to have the book if you read it responsibly,” Iruka said, planting his hands on his hips. “Saying weird, filthy things while we’re discussing Christmas decorations for the Hokage residence is not responsible.”

“But Iruka,” Kakashi whined.

“I’ll give the book back once Iruka is satisfied with the decorating plan,” Tenzo said as he plucked the book up from the floor and tucked it under his arm.

Kakashi made a whining noise but it only got him Tenzo’s most ghoulish stare back in response.

“Fine,” Kakashi acquiesced with a pout. “But I still say the only tree topper we need is Iruka. He’s the best at it. We all know it.”

Iruka spluttered, his face turning a violent shade of red. His enraged noises drowned out Tenzo’s choking laughs. Kakashi snickered even when Iruka grabbed a pillow from their bed and tried to smother him with it.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help myself. I apologize for nothing. （ლ ^ิ౪^ิ）ლ


End file.
